banana peels and carrot peelings

death: the end of me. a gripping fear at 1:00am. darkness. a hesitation to accept the ongoing cycles of nature and life and death. revulsion at lifegems.
what matters 2,000,000,000 years from now? in the year 2,000,000,007? will humans even exist? highly doubtful. no species on earth (bacteria?) has exceeded 2 billion years. sharks 75,000,000 maybe.
Odds of dying by nat'l geographic. by any cause, 1 in 1 (100%)


can't-sleep work links..

Land of Rising Conservation and extreme obsessions - BP for work

Neocons firmly steer Japan toward war with China

really must find the zen swordmaster dojo in sf where people meditate. must do that. and soccer. and go to the gym instead of paying $30 every month to anonymous 24hourfitness shareholders and mutual fund managers.

i read that the 173,000 people in the financial industry around NYC made more money than all 84 million people in Vietnam last year. if orange juice and gas cost 50% more this year than 3 years ago, how can "official" inflation be 3%?

you should read steve jobs' commencement speech at stanford. i liked it because i have also believed in his main points for some time now...

we're all dying someday
therefore we should do what we love for a career,
we should live each day the best we can as it could be our last,
and i forget the other point.

prob is, i'm not sure what i love to do and i'm not having chances really to find those things out at the moment... frustrated

i do like:
exercise
outdoors
kids
people
history, biology, astro, some reading

beyond that, not sure.